Well no technically I am comfortable with my body, I just don’t know if I have the balls

One of these days I’m going to grow so comfortable with my body that I’ll post nudes without showing a thing.

I had this group of gays come into my store today and they were so cute and wouldn’t stop gushing about how good our pies were and yeah. Idk, I love gays

For some reason I have Asian Michaels number in my phone and I was trying to send a uh, sexy picture to my Michael but accidentally clicked other Michaels name and that would’ve been awkward

What if I come back from my NC trip engaged?

Dammit. I knew I took too long to deliver that joke

I can call you daddy too if you’d like, Vic

Brad Pitts fucking body in this movie. Holy SHIT TOUCH ME DADDY

I just want to have a rooftop lunch tomorrow which consists of nachos and margaritas. Why won’t nobody go with me

Oh goodie! Fight Club is on and I’ve never seen it